Thirty-five years ago, I was part of a
Stranger in a Strange Land type
Nest formed by about ten science fiction fans who went to high school
together. Many of the original group scattered to the four winds, but my
first water brother is still my best friend and we've drawn many others to
us over the years — twenty-two at last count. Some of these are our
lovers as well.
Stranger in a Strange Land
has been my interpersonal relationships
Bible all this time and has served me well. I have used it (with some
help from such other Heinlein books as
The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and
Time Enough for Love) as a touchstone for educating people about
alternative lifestyles such as multiply committed relationships, group
marriage, and families-by-choice.
Family Synergy, which my first husband and I joined in 1977,
was my first forum for such discussions as an adult. This organization
was founded in the early 70s by Hyim Levy and Pat LaFollette.
It was based largely on the writings of Robert Rimmer (
Harrad Experiment,
Proposition Thirty-One), though some of its members
were more science fiction oriented. Family Synergy was truly my
family by choice during those yearsBwe shared Passover Seders
(Hy lead the first really traditional one I had ever been to at the Allott
House in 1977), Latke Parties, birthday celebrations and trips to
Elysium.
I entered Science Fiction fandom by attending my first World
Con in Anaheim in 1984. There I found Kathy Mar singing filk (SF
folk songs) about group living/group marriage in the lobby. Kathy
and I became water kin soon after that convention and have shared
holidays, marriages, our kids growing up and other family things in
the years between.
In 1987, Brian Gitt, Darrell Smith (two of my water brothers
then in a triad with me) and myself formed Live the Dream — many of
whose members were in science fiction fandom and whose
philosophy was based on writings by Heinlein and others of the SF
genre. Robert Rimmer was an honorary member and an inspiration
to me personally — always willing to talk with me about how to live
this life style more joyously until he passed on in 2001.
In 1988, I heard about Church of All Worlds and discovered to my
delight and amazement that Heinlein's fantasy concept existed in the
real world and that its organizers and I had been walking similar
paths separately for 20+ years. Naturally, I became a member of
Church of All Worlds (CAW). Its founder Oberon Zell actually
coined the term Polyamory. He and Morning Glory spent many
years in a line marriage (multi generational group marriage based on
Heinlein's
The Moon is a Harsh Mistress) containing up to eight people
at one time. When I read "All acts of love and pleasure are my
rituals!" in CAW's Green Egg magazine, I felt a joining of spirituality
with my choice of lifestyle which has been a blessing in my life.
It is possible to deeply love and be committed to more than one
significant other. Some of us who call ourselves Polyamorous
express this by having a primary partner that we may be legally
married to and lovers with whom we may share anything from a
romantic evening each month to family activities and nights over
several times a week. Others are actually in group marriages, some
of which have been together for decades.
Group marriages, intimate networks, co-ops and communes are
among the many somewhat unorthodox ways we live together. My
husband Paul and I have been involved in multiply committed
relationships since our teens. Our handfasting in 1992 and a year
and a day later our marriage ceremony (otherwise traditionally
Jewish) included a Water Sharing for members of our Nest.
We hand fasted in a triad with Marcus Jenkins 6-01 and with Laura
Fiechter (making a quadrad) 11-05 at LosCon. Today we live in a
large group house which includes two other of our water brothers,
one of whom has been with us for twelve years. It is possible to Live
The Dream, whatever Dream you cherish and make Real.
This year, for the first time since 1987, I will be actively involved with
Family Synergy's Convention September 8-10. I am helping to
organize it and leading two events. I encourage all of you who have
been involved with Live the Dream to attend this convention and meet
some kindred spirits. The more all of us who are polyamorous (in its many
flavors) can connect caringly with one-another, the more we are solidly a
community, the better off we will all be both personally and in the wider
context of a society where political influence is based on being a strong
unified force for what you believe in.
If you have a “What do you do when...?” for publication please E-Mail it to Live_The_Dream2000@yahoo.com or send it to 8515
Penfield Ave. Winnetka, Ca. 91306. We will take it with
your solution or brain storm and give it one or more of our
own. Let’s have fun with this and learn from each other. 