INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Happy Valentines Day
STRATEGIES OF FRIENDSHIP – Which can lead to romance
Saturday, February 16th, 2008                        11 am – 4 pm

Does “Open Relationship” mean “Anything Goes”?
Saturday, March 15th                            11am – 4 pm

How Does Religion And Polyamory Mix?
Saturday, April 19th                             11 am – 4pm

Live The Dream Passover Saturday
Saturday, April 19th                               7:00 pm
Services start after sundown approximately around 8:00 pm.

EVENTS PAGES 3- 4

Live the Dream                       February 2008-April 2008

Unless otherwise noted, all events are at 8515 Penfield in Winnetka zip 91306.  (Directions page 7)  This is a group house – home of Terry, Carl and Will.  For all events: RSVP / more info call the LTD Hotline (818) 886-0069, ex. 3.  Please visit us at www.livethedream.org. 

Live the Dream is an education and support group for those who, originally inspired by the writings of Robert Heinlein, Robert Rimmer and Marion Zimmer Bradley, are now ready to LIVE such alternative lifestyles as cooperative living, open relationships and group marriage.  Many of our concepts on multiply committed relationships come from Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land and Moon is a Harsh Mistress.  Live the Dream also sponsors a Nest of Church of All Worlds, the real life, over fifty year old spiritual movement inspired by Stranger in a Strange Land.

Happy Valentine Day from
Live the Dream

EVENTS

LTD events take place at 8515 penfield in Winnetka unless otherwise noted.
for info on family synergy event see:  familysynergy.org 

To see past events or articles on Live the Dream please visit:   www.livethedream.org. 

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Saturday, February 16                              11 am – 4 pm
FRIENDSHIP STRATEGIES WHICH CAN LEAD TO ROMANCE                          
Some of those who come to me as a hypnotherapist (and as a matchmaker) tell me that they have no friends.   Sometimes this happens because a person moves to a different geographical location.  Often the complaint comes from people who have lived in one area most of their lives.  Why do some people have all the relationships they can fit into a busy life (and more) while others are miserably trying to survive in an isolated state--water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink?  What can we do about this?

I learned what friendship meant through high school sensitivity training combined with reading Stranger in a Strange Land for the first time at age 15 and having kindred spirits with whom to practice the teachings of real and lasting commitment, deep sharing, and a love which could include many special others.     We’ll discuss some of the ways you can build a circle of lasting friends.  You can be the person who remembers birthdays as well as the usual special holidays and plan the parties in which they are celebrated by all.  These   parties  work best as the sort which  can turn at a moment’s notice or anyone's need into a sensitivity group of empathic listeners willing to share tears, joy and group hugs.  They can be held in your home, someone else’s or even at a local park .
The bottom line is to be someone who brings joy to others and is known to care about them.

1 pm  Pot Luck Lunch—bring something healthy,  delicious dish you would might make for someone you love.

Afternoon activity: We’ll do some sensitivity group type intimacy building exercises for joy, sharing and example and then socializing and hot tubbing with romantic music playing (much of it poly romantic).

Note:  We provide poly matchmaking, Relationship Counseling, and hypnotic jealousy release.  See www.acesuccess.com or call (800) LIFE MATE’S – 543-3628)

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Saturday, March 15                                    11 am to 4 pm    
Does “Open Relationship” mean “Anything Goes”?
Role play activities in the afternoon with scenarios suggested by participants. 
We’ll discuss what works and what doesn’t in a long term, committed open relationship or marriage.  What agreements will best serve you and your primary partner and what kind of a moral code do you as a single person living this life style want to use?

Many people in the society at large who find  the idea of open relationships distasteful or even disgusting feel this way because they believe that such relationships contain none of the  safeguards of monogamy and therefore no security of any kind.  They think a woman in such a relationship risks bearing children whose father will not acknowledge them, having her husband go off for lengthy vacations with other women and not even tell her, his wife make love to other men while he is ignored for weeks at a time, etc.

If open relationships had no moral code, all of this might be true. The kind of open relationship models I have educated people on since 1971 do have a moral code.  Whatever the details of the agreements in each relationship, they must start with the basic idea of “Do not do unto others that which you would not want done unto you.”  Do not create needless pain for another, let alone for your mate.  Heinlein’s definition of love (found in Stranger in a Strange Land and Time Enough for Love): That state in which the happiness of another is essential to your own.  This is all pretty general and applies as much in poly relationships as it does in monogamous ones.  Peculiar to our own life style is:  Put your primary partner first if you have one. Wear your wedding ring when dating or looking for potential secondary partners. This probably means looking within the poly community where a wedding ring is not a stop sign.   Be sure your primary partner feels loved and secure in the relationship.  Do your best to avoid letting your primary partner feel threatened by new relationship energy which may cause you to ride off into the sunset with a new partner.  Know the difference between the solid commitment of a primary relationship and the excitement of a new person in your life and in your bed.  Do not have relationships with anyone who does not know about and fully support your primary relationship as primary.  Many people in this life style feel it is best if your primary partner meets anyone you plan on dating and is comfortable with that person, though some couples do believe in separate dating.  I did that in my first marriage and did not find such a separation helpful to the marriage. 

If the person you are considering dating does not get along with your primary partner, it is probably not a good idea to date this person.   Perhaps you need to look at the risks involved to your marriage in such a relationship.

Hy Levy (founder of Family Synergy) once told me about a reporter who wanted to interview people trying to make a bad relationship better by opening it up to others—he told the reporter to interview those people fast because their relationships would likely come to a fast end.

Honesty is essential in any relationship, but especially in a poly relationship. A lie by omission or commission is still a lie.  Your primary partner has a right to be hurt and angry if he or she finds out on the grapevine that you are spending your birthday weekend with someone else.  Open communication is a necessity.  Plans which involve both members of a couple should not be made without both of their input.  Presenting your primary partner with a date set in cement with another person is not a good idea.  Whether your primary partner is to be included or excluded from the date, whether it is an evening, a weekend or longer or some special event such as a birthday or holiday, respect for your partner’s time and feelings is a necessity. An open discussion on the subject before it is firmly set is best. Unpleasant surprises are not appreciated in such a situation.  If you are the secondary partner, it is your responsibility, too, to make sure the primary partner is ok with plans you are making before you make them firmly.  If you all belong to a group such as Live the Dream or Family Synergy, not doing so could lead to an angry phone call  and a bad reputation in the community. If you are a cause of trouble between husbands and wives,  other people will not want to share their partners with you.  Becoming known as a homewrecker is an especially bad idea as well as immoral in monogamy or polyamory.  It will effect your reception in the poly world and the more general monogamous one in which all of us do move for business, social and family activities. Such bad behavior can affect how all poly people are seen in the wider world.

Don’t figure anything goes in this lifestyle.  While we may be pioneers in relationships, we are not without guide lines or history.  This lifestyle is not so new as to be without tested ways of making it work.  Non monogamy has been practiced since biblical times and is still the norm in many countries today, as anyone who has attended one of Leanna Wolf’s presentations on polyamory around the world knows.

For more information,   read Loving More: Responsible Non Monogamy by Deborah Anapol , Group Marriage by Larry and Joan Constantine.  The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt,  Moon Is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein and Prop 31 by Robert Rimmer and Morning Glory and Oberon Zell’s (who coined the word Polyamory) Bouquet of Lovers article.  Some of this is fiction, some non fiction.  All of it contains guidelines on how to live this life style in a caring and compassionate way which best serves all involved.

If you do not think other people doing what you are doing would make the world a better place, consider carefully if this is something you want to do at all. If you would not proudly announce it at a meeting on the poly life style, don’t do it and do not accept it from your primary partner.  Agreeing to be in an open marriage or relationship does not mean being anyone’s door mat.   Do what helps you to be your highest image of who you are and encourage your partner to do what is in alignment with his or her best/highest image of the kind of person he or she wants to be.

An it harm none, do as ye will.

1 pm  Pot Luck Lunch—bring something healthy and  delicious to share. 
Afternoon activity:  Hot Tubbing – socializing. 

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Saturday, April 19th How Does Religion Mix with Polyamory?
11 am-until Passover Seder starts.
Why are so many Pagans poly, but not all of them?  True, the first Neo Pagan religion to be recognized in the US was based on Heinlein’s novel Stranger I a Strange Land which had a poly theme throughout.  But many other pagan groups had different origins are equally poly.  The Old Testament is filled with multiple relationship references—like Jacob’s four wives—yet both Jews and Christians behave as though having more than one romantic partner is a sin against God.  Why were so many Poly organizations heavily Jewish—particularly the leaders-in the 1970 s and ’80 s?  Are Puritan attitudes still effecting our lifestyles choices?   Bring your questions and any answers you may have to this meeting.

1 pm Pot luck lunch—bring something healthy and delicious to share.
2 pm on Hot tubbing, socializing, movies , etc.  until Passover Seder starts.

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Saturday, April 19th         LIVE THE DREAM PASSOVER SEDER, DOORS OPEN AT 7:00 PM

LTD annual Passover Seder, 7 pm. This is Celebration of Freedom! 
This holiday commemorates the first time one People (the Jews) freed itself from  
bondage to another People (the Egyptians).  Brian Gitt will lead.  We'll do it a little
differently with plenty of group participation!  You don't have to read Hebrew for
this or even be Jewish.  Whether you want to learn more about your own heritage, just share this special holiday with those you care about, or discover a cultural experience new to you, you are welcome! This is coordinated pot luck since it requires special foods. This event is FREE to one clean up coordinator, one serving coordinator, and the single or couple who volunteers to bring 5 pounds of lamb or 10 pounds of chicken.  Call Terry to RSVP before 4-17-08.  Please at LTD Hotline # (818) 886-0069, ext. 3) to arrange what to bring or to attend without a food contribution.  We need time to plan things and shop for supplies.    Cost: $7.00 with arranged food contribution and one bottle of Kosher wine for each adult in your party, one bottle of grape juice for each child.  $18 each without food contribution + beverage.  Children under thirteen free with food, $5 without.  You can arrive 6-7 pm to socialize and help with preparations.  Sundown begins the Seder itself.  Socializing available and help with food prep would be appreciated. 

FAMILY BY CHOICE
I shared water (see Stranger in a Strange Land) with my first water brother, Glen, at age 15 and became part of a “nest” of like minded SF fans throughout my high school years. Some of these remained close for many years.  Water sharing is a life time commitment if done traditionally.  Glen has remained my best friend to this day, almost 40 years later. We share regular lunches, family trips to Griffith Park including his son and my grand children, and often celebrate our holidays together.  It is a promise to always be there for each other, to see to it that the person you love always has such basic necessities as food, water and shelter.  A   water brother may or may not live with you, but I have never lived with anyone with whom I would not share water. The two house mates I now have, have been in my home for twelve years and five respectively.  

My blood family used to have a brief prayer accompanied by a chicken dinner for Passover.   In 1977, I saw my first real Passover Seder at the Alot group house, conducted by Hy Levy.  Family Synergy also gave me my first introduction to alternative life styles not from a science fiction book.  About that same time, a life styles based rift occurred in my blood family which caused the matriarch, my Aunt Rose, to ban me from family events including Passover.  While this painful thing was happening, I attended Family Synergy’s Seders conducted by Hy Levy for several years, coordinating the food contributions for the last few of them.  I also helped lead family oriented “children welcome” events through Synergy’s Gitt 2.   When I founded Live the Dream in 1987, we continued the properly led Passover celebrations and included children in such things as Winter Holiday parties and Halloween activities.  Before my Aunt Rose died at age 96, the family rift was mended and she actually attended a couple of Live the Dream Passover Seders.  Today when I look at two tables full of guests at our Live the Dream/Family Synergy Passover Seder (many of whom are Family by Choice)  and listen to our very complete and well done Passover Seders, I feel blessed that  it all ended up as well as it has.

CONSIDER GROUP LIVING
Many times over the years we've done an exercise at Live the Dream meetings in which we have everyone write down what they could afford to pay down for a home and what they could pay monthly. Invariably, we discover that many people together can live cheaper and a whole lot nicer than that same number could live separately. 

Imagine coming home to a beautiful house, a well kept yard filled with flowers and young trees, 2 fire places, and a hot tub (clothing optional of course). You come home to the smell of something delicious being cooked by one of your housemates.  You share a good dinner with whoever is at home tonight.  Afterwards, you can go to the privacy of your room, soak in the hot tub with good friends, join a lively discussion in the living room or cuddle by the fire.   Sound good?

Make your fantasy a reality…

Private ROOM and bath AVAILABLE IN GROUP HOUSE
WEST SAN FERNANDO VALLEY – CALIFORNIA

If you have an interest in living in a lovely home with warm, caring, like minded people, call (818) 886-0069 ext 3 for more information.

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DIRECTIONS to the Penfield House
From the 118 going east, get off at De Soto Avenue, head South on De Soto to Parthenia, head East on Parthenia, head South on Winnetka, head East on Chase one block and head North on Penfield to 8515.

From the 118 going west, get off at Tampa Avenue, head South on Tampa to Parthenia, head West on Parthenia, head South on Winnetka,  head East on Chase (one block), head North on Penfield. 

From the 101, get off at Winnetka Avenue, head North on Winnetka Avenue to Chase (next signal North of Roscoe).  Head East on Chase Street and go one block turn left on Penfield Avenue. 

We are the big white house on the left hand side of the street., first house North of the corner of Chase Street. 

For google instructions, go to:  http://maps.google.com/maps?q=8515+Penfield+Ave,+Winnetka,+CA+91306,+USA&sa=X&oi=map&ct=title

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Do you have poly news that you wish to share?
E-Mail us at livethedream.org or call us at (818) 886-0069, ex. 3
Tell your Poly curious friends to look us up at livethedream.org  

Articles

POLY SOLIDARITY

TERRITORY AND AGREEMENTS

Flavors of Jealousy

Poly Q & A

Previous Newsletters:

LTD Newsletter - January - 2008

LTD Newsletter - August - October 2007

LTD Newsletter - July - September 2007

LTD Newsletter - April - July 2007

LTD Newsletter - March - May 2007

LTD Newsletter - February - April 2007

LTD Newsletter - January - March 2007

LTD Newsletter - December 2006 - February 2007

LTD Newsletter - October - December 2006

LTD Newsletter - August - October 2006

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