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Loving More-A Sample (1997)

Opening circle. Lots of new faces here almost (?) outnumbering the old friends, presenters and poly icons seen each year. The Internet with its poly activity actually is drawing some real people who don't think our lifestyle is a new fantasy game. A lovely woman with an even lovelier voice sings songs which stir the blood and are poly oriented. She sings one about being her whole untamed self rather than "shrinking to
meet your expectations" and wanting her love to be his whole self too...Rough Ride and so it can be. Her other song at opening is written for the poly family she is part of--Ravenheart. I discover this delightful creature is wife and water sib to Morning Glory and Oberon and therefore part
of my own nest. I resolve to grow closer as way opens. Women's circle Saturday morn and someone's in pain because her lover let her sleep alone while exploring someone new. They needed clearer agreements and she needs to work on jealousy. How many times have I heard
this story in 25 years of living this lifestyle? Too many, but each the pain is real and cutting. I find her later to give her the hypnotic tape I created for that--Intimacy Without Jealousy. Couples attending a poly conference or even a party need (preferably written) agreements to keep someone
from getting hurt. Leaving a lover alone who feels abandoned can be as bad if you are poly as if you are not. Consideration and compassion must be combined in an arcane mix with freedom. There is a Family panel which my husband and I share with Ravenheart and other successful multi- adult families. I feel a little inadequate being only a couple. We all field questions, with Ryam moderating, on what works and what does not, who sleeps with whom and when, etc. Some questions are deep and insightful, inviting answers which require thought and careful wording. Most are
asked with an honest curiosity or real need; unlike the conflict seeking of some talk show hosts. The people in this room have either been this road or are ready to travel it and want reliable sign posts along the way. While still a lifestyle of pioneers, we have reached a point where it is
not necessary to reinvent the wheel at every turn. Enough people have been doing it long enough to have developed some workable rules which are being shared in this panel and others being presented during the weekend.
Articles in Loving More (call phone number above or go to web site to subscribe-still available 2005) magazine as well as Green Egg (Pagan magazine no longer available 2005) and in Ryam Neering's Polyfidelity Primer and Deborah Anapol's Love Without Limits provide many well worked out reliable guide posts to joy in poly relationships.

WORLD POLYAMOURY CONVENTION IS 6-17 T0 6-19-05 AT HARBIN HOT SPRINGS. WE'LL BE PRESENTING THERE TOO! SEE INFO IN JUNE NEWS LETTER
Contact info: www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com or call 808-244-4103

Other Polyamory events this month (not run by Live the Dream )

Leanna Wolfe is hosting 3 Polyamory Salons this Month:
April 3rd 2-4 pm Overview: Polyamory 101
April 9th 2-4 pm Polyamory, Jealousy & Romantic Love
April 30th 2-4 pm Polyamory and Sexuality

International Polyamory Meetup day is 8PM the 2nd Tuesday of the month. Go to www.meetup.com or http://polyamory.meetup.com and do a search for your nearest location. The San Fernando Valley location is the Starbuck’s at Reseda &Devonshire.

Creating Joy in Your Life and Your Relationships

It is Saturday night. David and his significant other (Mary) have planned an evening at home with a delightful lady they have been seeing for some time and really care for (Andrea). Mary is envisioning quiet music and soft caresses all around, and feeding each other the finger foods she has lovingly prepared in a nonverbal tribal feast style. She has made dinner light and delicious. David is daydreaming about being attacked by two passionate women who can't get enough of him with hard rock music adding to the excitement. Andrea is really looking forward to a chance for deep discussion about this relationship. She wants to make some decisions about where to go from here with it.

David gets home, gives Mary a rough passionate kiss and goes looking for his Nine Inch Nails CD. Andrea arrives and is told by Mary of her lovely surprise night of QUIET romance. Somehow this event does not turn out too well.

Unrealistic? Maybe. This case of crossed purposes could have been remedied by a little discussion before hand as to what each participant wanted from the evening. Perhaps three separate evenings should have been calendared to give everyone what they wanted, with the parameters agreed upon in advance for each one of them. Each person could have been given an evening to plan with the agreement that it would be a surprise--please hold expectations in suspense.

If you think of it as an exciting adventure in pleasing the one person you know you'll be spending the rest of your life with, it could be more marvelous than you ever expected. If, on another occasion, you decide to get someone to join you for the evening, you'll at least have an idea of what it takes for you to have fun. Call people you know would enjoy that kind of evening until you find one who is available in the near future and make a date for it.

If what you want is simply to spend the evening with a particular person, find out what this person's parameters might be for a wonderful evening. Have fun making an impromptu list together and surprise your friend with one or more of those things.

This could lead to more than friendship if that is what you're aiming for. How many people have bothered to do this with him or her before? Ever wished you had an edge in getting someone special to be willing to spend time with you? You've got it now!

Each of these people could make a list of a variety of things they could enjoy during an evening together and what they would really not enjoy. The lists could be shared. The person doing the planning or all of you together could then create experiences that would work from a selection of possibilities.

If something on one person's list of special delights is a turnoff for one of the others, it could either be shared with the one it is not a turnoff for separately or ways could be found to make something previously neutral or even unpleasant a lot more interesting. It’s not what you do that matters as much as how you choose to react to it.

This works for an evening alone with your primary partner at least as well as for poly dates. Taking the time to find out what both of you enjoy, really looking into yourselves to discover your innermost desires (in bed and out) then sharing the information, will make that relationship more intimate and more joyous than ever before. You'll both have more fun together. As a poly bonus, a couple who really love each other and show it, attract more of the right kinds of additional loves than do the couple who growl at each other or just seem bored. Which kind would you want to be around?

Not in a relationship right now? You can still figure out what it takes for you to have a great evening alone or with others. Make the list. Choose something on it you can create and calendar it. Make it something that does not require a lover if there isn't one easily accessible right now. Choose from the possible, then go for it! You could have a great time even by yourself if you plan it right--not just the activities, but your attitude toward them. If you think of this as a booby prize for what you really wanted, you could create a miserable time for yourself.

 

GIVE US YOUR STORIES. We need your stories for research purposes--your names will remain anonymous. If you have been hassled by the government for your lifestyle, particularly by any child services department, we want to hear from you by phone, in writing or by E-Mail.
Our phone number is 818-361-6737.
Our mailing address is
6454 Van Nuys Blvd #211
Van Nuys, CA. 91401.
Our e-mail address is: Live_The_Dream2000@yahoo.com

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