LOVING MORE VIGNETTES (article)
Opening circle. Lots of new faces here almost (?) outnumbering the old friends, presenters and poly icons seen each year. The net with its poly activity actually is drawing some real people who don't think our life style is an new fantasy game.
A lovely woman with an even lovelier voice sings songs which stir the blood and are poly oriented. She sings one about being her whole untamed self rather than "shrinking to meet your expectations" and wanting her love to be his whole self too...Rough Ride and so it can be. Her other song at opening is written for the poly family she is part of -- Ravenheart. I discover this delightful creature is wife and water sib to Morning Glory and Oberon and therefore part of my own nest. I resolve to grow closer as way opens.
Women's circle Saturday morn and someone's in pain because her lover let her sleep alone while exploring someone new. They needed clearer agreements and she needs to work on jealousy. How many times have I heard this story in 25 years of living this lifesyle? Too many, but each time the pain is real and cutting. Couples attending a poly conference or even a party need (preferably written) agreements to keep someone from getting hurt. Leaving a lover alone who feels abandoned can be as bad if you are poly as if you are not. Consideration and compassion must be combined in an arcane mix with freedom.
A bisexual married couple who have been involved in the polyamourous lifestyle of multiply committed relationships since their teens shares how each of them discovered their bisexuality and how it has affected their experiences in relating to outside lovers together and in bringing special loves into their lives. They are part of an intimate friendship network, some of whom have been in relationship with them for 20+ years.
A workshop on conflict resolution presented by Lver and Patty was excellent. It seemed to speak directly to some stuff my own partner and I were going through, so I dragged him over to it from the video presentation.
There is a Family's panel which includes Ravenheart and other successful multi adult families. We all field questions with Ryam moderating on what works and what does not, who sleeps with who and when, etc. Some questions are deep and insightful inviting answers, which require thought and careful wording. Most are asked with and honest curiosity or real need, unlike the conflict seeking of some talk show hosts and morbid leering audiences. The people in this room have either been this road or are ready to travel it and want reliable signposts along the way. While still a lifestyle of
pioneers, we have reached a point where it is not necessary to reinvent the wheel at every turn. Enough people have been doing it long enough to have
developed some workable rules which are being shared in this panel and others being presented during the weekend. Articles in Loving More magazine, and in Ryam's Polyfidelity Primer and Deborah Anapol's Love Without Limits provide many well worked out reliable guide posts to joy in poly relationships.